One to Remember

It feels so good to be home! I just finished my weekend at work. 8 hours on Friday, 14 hours on Saturday, and 12 more hours today, Sunday. It's exhausting and tiring, but it feels like a job well done and now it's time to go back to real life!

This weekend was nuts, we were so busy, getting admissions left and right. I'm so glad I'm not a charge nurse having to organize all the craziness.

Saturday was a day I'll never ever forget. About 1/2 way through my shift I met a patient who found out he need to have a somewhat urgent, unexpected surgery. I spent a few hours with him and his wife and sat nervously with them as they heard the risks of the surgery and what to expect. I imagined how scary it would be to start off your day like any other day and then a few hours later finding yourself waving goodbye to your husband as he's rolled away in stretcher down to the operating room. I helped bring this patient down to the OR and as he was being wheeled in the room, he was still telling jokes. As I walked away I remember thinking that he was a perfect patient: nice, funny, cooperative, positive....

A few short hours later I got a call that things were going very poorly in the OR and through a rare and unexpected sequence of events, my patient was most likely not going to live. My heart dropped to the floor and pounded in my chest for the next hour as I waited to hear more news.

As the clock hit 7pm and my shift was over, I got a call that I needed to bring the patient's wife down to the OR area to speak with the surgeon. I had somewhat secretly hoped this would occur after I went home, but that was not the case. I really did not know how I was going to tell this woman that we needed to travel down to the OR because her husband was dying. The next few hours were rather surreal as she got the worst, most unimaginable news of her life. She was supposed to see her husband in a few hours and now she would have to say goodbye.

We learn about death in school and are given tips on how to act/what to say, but when it actually happens, it's hardly something you can prepare for. Mostly, I just sat next to her, for 2 hours, holding her up and listening to her cry.

How unreal to lose your spouse. I cannot imagine the pain. And after all that, she looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, this must be the worst day you've ever had a work, but I'm so glad you're here." The worst day of work for me? Well....yeh, but wow, I can't believe she was even able to think about anything beyond her own pain.

Dealing with a patient's sudden and unexpected death was an experience I didn't really want under my belt, but I do feel like next time, I won't be so afraid. I got home 2 hours late that night.

I always say a prayer before work that God won't give me anything I can't handle. That night I was praying I'd get to go home before that patient died; I told God I couldn't handle telling that wife what had happened. But I guess God decided that it needed to be me and that with Him, I could handle it.

We usually don't meet our patients before they go to the OR, so if they don't make it through surgery, it's like hearing a sad story that has nothing to do with you. But it's completely different when it's someone you've met and started the process with. Sigh.... I hope it never happens again.